Day 1 (438-0) Another New Beginning

This morning I woke up and did something that I've been avoiding for about a month... I weighed myself.  I knew I gained weight and figured I was at least back to my starting point.  WRONG.. I'm 4 pounds over my previous starting point.

Why?  Eating the wrong foods while traveling over the summer to various events.   Sneaking visits to the local convenience store or concession stands at games for a snack.  Eating at home in between meals.  Eating after dinner when everyone has gone to bed. Not exercising.  And last but not least (and probably worst of all) not keeping track of caloric intake.    Basically. I'm free style eating again.

I caught myself... I'm going to restart as of today and I'm not going to do any of these things anymore.  I can't allow my eating disorder to dictate my mobility, happiness, relationships, self-esteem, state of mind... basically my LIFE.

So today is Day 1.  As of today I'm getting real with myself.  I'm going to be sensible and honest about what I eat and when I eat.  Track 1600 calories per day as my limit (I just entered my breakfast of 310 cals).  More protein than carbs and low fat.  No more rationalization of food choices.

I don't want to be in this body anymore.  I have to create a new body.  I want a body that can walk 2 miles without having to sit down every 1/4 mile.  I want a body that can wear nice clothes and shoes.  I want a body that doesn't have to worry about fitting into chairs that are designed for the majority of the population. I want a body that can do all the things I should be doing that I can't do now.   I want a body that will allow me to lead A NORMAL LIFE!!!!

It's not going to happen through magic.  I have to do it.  I have to manage what I eat and do.  I have to stay focused and stick with the plan.  I have to keep it fresh in my mind why I tend to do what I do with food.   I want to do all of these things. I want to change more than anything.

Borrowing from Sean Anderson..  "This time, the last time—I simplified by focusing on three absolutes everyday: Staying within my calorie budget, doing some kind of exercise and writing out how I was feeling along the way. As long as I did those three things, all of the other things I stressed over before, would work out along the way."

ETL

Day 63 (426-8) Need To Get Real

Its been 63 days since I've started my transformation and I've only lost 8 pounds. Time to be honest with myself. I have not exercised. I have slipped in food here and there that put me over my daily calorie max. Not a lot but I've done it. If I continue on this path I won't lose weight.

Have I been watching my portions? Yes. Have I been watching calories for actual meals? Yes. But I think I should have lost more than 8 pounds in 2 months. So here's what I'm going to do...

From this day forward..

- No more than 1600 calories per day.
- At least 10 minutes of walking per day. Work up to 15 minutes.

After two weeks of this I'll see what the results are.

ETL

Day 56 (426-8) Back On The Train!

I took the liberty of an early weigh in today and was happy to see that I shed the weight I had put back on last week.  I'm pretty sure I can attribute this to drinking 64oz+ per day and staying very close to 1700 cals per day.  I'm now going to work on lowering carb intake to about 70-80 grams per day.   This won't be easy but I think if I can maintain this my weight loss will be more consistent.

This weekend will be a challenge for me.  My son has three ball games on Saturday and we'll likely be eating lunch and dinner on the road.  I plan to pack lunch and if we stop for dinner I'll order something sensible that's within my plan.   This will be the normal mode of operation for most of the weekends this summer so its important I establish good habits right out of the gate.

Looking forward to more downward movement on the scale as the days continue..

Good choices, self truth.

ETL

Day 51 (429-5) WTF Happened?

This week's weigh in did not go as planned.  I've gained 3 pounds since last Saturday.  I did a sneak peak on Thursday and I was up to 427 so I was thinking I would have a zero sum week.  But that didn't happened.  I was forced to self-analyze this morning.

1. On Wednesday on the way to a ball game I stopped at a convenience store and eat a few things I shouldn't have.  A large soft pretzel, a bag of Chex Mix, some oatmeal raisin cookies and a small bag of beef jerky.  When I got home that night I was too full to eat much of the pasta dinner my Wife had made.   I didn't enter the store bought calories into mynetdiary and mentally thought I would make up for it the next couple of days. 
2. I have been going over the 1700 per day calorie plan.  Not by a huge amount but probably 200-300 calories per day.  I'm also not really making sure my Fat Carb Protein ratios are on each day.
3. I haven't been drinking enough water each day.  Maybe 32 oz tops.  I need to drink at least 64oz.
4. I haven't been doing much walking.  I really have to walk every day.

So.  I can't let #1 happen.  This was a total blunder and I have to come up with methods that will prevent me from doing this.  Why did I do it?  Stress I guess.  Tough day at work, other stuff.

For #2 I need to get real with myself and stick to the plan. I thought I could go over the 1700 because I lost weight when I was eating 2300 but I don't think that's the case at all.  I need to stick to the number each day.

To take care of #3 I have a 32 oz water bottle which I will fill and drink at least twice a day.   

And last but not least I have to find a way to motivate myself to combat #4.  It's not easy to move my body but I have to start doing it.

Also, I think my body was still reacting to the last weekends "feasting".  I did eat many foods that I hadn't had in a while.

The good thing is that I realized this is an issue.  I caught it and I'm going to do something about it.   I really felt terrible when I saw the number on the scale and as I write this post I feel anger.  I feel like I let myself down.  I didn't make good choices and I wasn't honest with myself.  But I have to move past this and get with the program.

Good choice, Self-Honesty.

ETL

Day 46 (426-8) Four Days Of Holiday Foods

Are you ready for this...Thursday night a BBQ, Friday night out to dinner with friends, Saturday night out to a friends house for another BBQ and Sunday over to my Sisters for yet another party.   How many temptations were there?  PLENTY.   In the past this would be just the kind of thing that would set me right back into old eating ways.     Life's stress and other factors giving me the rationale to say "What the hell, I'm eating that __(fill in the blank)_."  I could have slipped right back into free style eating. BUT.. I didn't.

I ate sensible at breakfast and lunch leaving enough in the calorie bank for dinner. At those dinners I ate moderate portions of foods that I felt would be right along the lines of what I should be eating. I even had a few light beers.  I may have gone a bit over 1700 each day but not much.  I stayed away from desserts for the most part... I had a small portion of some goodies at one of the BBQs but not enough to throw myself into a spiral.  

I was a bit concerned yesterday morning when I snuck in a weigh in and found myself up 3 pounds after one day.  But I'm happy to report that as of this morning most of that weight is gone... water weight for the most part.

I've learned a very important lesson over the past 4 days.  I can function in situations where there is abundant food.  I can manage my portions and plan out what I'm going to eat.  I can wake up the next day not feeling guilty about eating a few treats because I ate in a sensible manner.

So let's just consider this holiday weekend a re-feed.   This morning I'm back to the plan.. Greek yogurt mixed with Kashi lean cereal then planning sensible eating throughout the day.

Good choices, Self-Truth.

ETL

Day 44 (426-8) Weigh In. No Change

A bit of a bummer this morning when the scale showed the same number as last week but that's the way it goes I guess. Last night I went out to dinner with friends and had a very sensible meal which I was proud of. I'm going you BBQ tonight and I'm prepared to be diligent. Let's see if this week I can get more exercise in and get the scale to move down a few notches. ETL

Day 42 (426-8) Sneaked A Weigh In

I woke up curious and had to weigh myself this morning.  My suspicions that I described yesterday were unfounded.  I remain at 426 which I'm happy about.  Hopefully, I experience a "wooosh" before Saturday's official weigh in and record a loss for this week.. If not, so be it.  It's a long journey and I have to be ready to handle the pace of progress.  The important thing is that my eating habits are changing for the better and I'm winning the food addiction battles as they come along.

ETL

Day 41 (426-8) Staying On Course And Planning Ahead

I haven't weighed myself but I don't feel like I've lost any weight since Saturday.  I guess this feedback is coming from the way my clothes are fitting the past few days.   I've been eating between 1700 and 1900 calories per day which I feel should be a good range for me.  I've been doing is shooting for 1700 and usually ending up around 1850.  Maybe I need to go back to 1500 which what I was eating when I was losing weight at a healthy clip back in 2010.   But my dilemma is that I wasn't able to sustain that behavior.  Does 200 or 250 calories really make a difference?  Not sure really but I guess I'll find out Saturday.  All I'm sure of is that I want to lose weight and I want to lose it as fast as possible.

I know it's a pitfall to start dropping daily calories because it will likely throw my metabolic rate into starvation mode but I feel like I need to do something to get things going.  I've been getting a little walking in just about every day but it's not more that 10 minutes per session.  I need to step the exercise up.

My concern is that we're coming into the summer months and that means traveling for summer baseball.  I love it but it brings with it constant food decisions because due to timing we have to eat on the road a lot.  It's mainly dinner choices because usually the games are over in the evening, we're hungry and a hour or so away from home.   This season there won't be any over night trips so that will limit restaurant eating.  The reality though is that I have to get use to making good choices when eating out as well.  I can always pack a cooler!

It's really amazing to me that I have to think so much about food.  But I guess it's a good thing that I'm planning meals and eating in a sensible fashion.   I have to admit though.. it is a grind.

ETL

Day 37 (426-8) This Week's Weigh In... Ugh!

I wasn't greeted with great news this morning. I gained 1 pound from last week. Not sure why. I followed my plan of 1900 cals per day. I guess it's just the way it is. I'm hoping for another Wooosh next week. My chin is up and I'm moving forward!

ETL

Day 35 (425-9) How Am I Doing Vs My Plan?

When I started this blog back in 2010 I developed an 8 point plan as a guide to help me on my journey.  These 8 items still hold true for me today and I wanted to go through them to see what kind of job I'm doing following them..

1. Monitor caloric and nutritional intake. Eat three meals a day along with healthy snacks within my daily calorie plan and protein, carb and fat ratio (PCF Ratio).
2. No diet soda or processed foods.
3. Drink lots of water.
4. Exercise 15 minutes per day. Be more active overall.
5. Weigh in weekly (with spot checks throughout the week).
6. Report progress, thoughts, etc on this blog.
7. Seek out tools to help me reach my goal weight of 220 lbs.
8. Reach for support from family, friends and bloggers before I reach for a doughnut

I have to say that for the past 35 days I've been doing great on all of them... except for #4.   I have not turned in a good effort on #4 at all.  Every few days I take a short walk but I definitely have not exercised for 15 minutes daily.

My plan was to buy a recumbent bike but I haven't been able to find one that is rated for my weight capacity.  A sad but true fact.   Really the only main exercise I can do at this point is walking.  It's not easy because usually after about 5 minutes of walking my lower back starts to hurt.  I grind through it but it's certainly not a pleasant experience.

When I go to the store or to a ball game I park my car further away to force more walking time to and from.  I found a great iPhone app that is a GPS Pedometer which tracks your steps, distance and walk time... Pretty cool.

The difficulty is avoiding the rationalizations that cause me to sit on the couch or at my desk rather than walk and move. Its so easy not to do things.  What I mean is.. it's easy to not go for a walk or to not update my blog daily.  I can't be lazy about this anymore.  I have to come up with a reason every day to walk.  I'll have to take #4 a day at a time and as I shed the pounds it will become easier to exercise.  But.. I have to put in the time now to get there.

Good choice, Self honesty

ETL

Day 34 (425-9) Grinding Through The Tough Times

We all have tough days. You know... those days when multiple issues hit you all at once and cause a storm of stress, aggravation and yes.. maybe even anger.   Well yesterday was one of those days for me.

The day was going fine.. a little stressful at work.  Then suddenly a few personal problems popped up, one thing led to another and I found myself in a VERY aggravated state.  While in this state I found myself battling the urge to run for cover.  What I mean is the urge to run to food for comfort and relief.

I was sitting at the table after a nice dinner of Dreamfield pasta, turkey meat balls and an Italian sausage.  I was completely satisfied from the food I had just eaten and doing perfectly on my calorie count for the day.  I had even taken a 10 minute walk early in the afternoon with my son.   But as the storm of aggravation hit I found myself thinking about and starting to plan what I could eat after everyone had gone to bed.   I was thinking about making a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a tall glass of milk and a few other of my former late night standard meals (not snacks). That's right... thinking about this minutes after I had finished eating dinner.

Thankfully with a little venting via my wife I was able to gain control of my emotions and the urge to eat.  They stayed with me until my head hit the pillow last night but I was able pull back the reigns and avoid opening the refrigerator. 

When I woke up this morning I felt pretty good about what I had accomplished.  I had fought and won a battle that my former self would have easily succumbed to.   For the "old me" it would have been 2 PBJs, a bowl of cereal and maybe some ice cream.  For "new me" it was watching baseball, talking with my wife, texting with my sister and no food.  I still had 100 calories left and could have had a piece of fruit but wanted to put food out of my mind last night.  I didn't want to run to it any more.  Remember.. I broke up with food last week.

The lesson for me here is that while my mind is still running a version of software that has the "run to food" routine running I can be strong and resist the temptation.  Last night I consciously re-routed the code in my head and avoided stress eating.  It will take time to upgrade my brain but eventually I'll be running Version 2 which hopefully will have the "run for food" routine removed.  OK.. I was a software designer at one time in my life so pardon the programming analogies.

Taking it one day at a time...

ETL

Day 33 (425-9) Mid Week Update

It's been hard for me to find the time the past few days to post.  Things are going great.  I slipped in a weigh in this morning and my weight hasn't changed since Saturday.   I'm hoping that over the next three days I drop a few pounds so I can report a good number after Saturday's weigh in.  

In interest of full disclosure.. I went over 1900 cals on Mother's Day but not too bad.  I also put in a 10 minute walk that day so I felt like I made up for it.  As the weather gets warmer I'm finding myself walking and moving more. However, I'm not satisfied with my overall level of activity.   I need to get my ass moving.

I'm starting to feel a little loose in my clothes and in the back of my mind I'm looking forward to the day when I can start tossing large clothes in the trash.  Of course I'll keep a few articles of clothing to show as my "before" wardrobe.

That's all for today.

ETL

Day 29 (425-9) I Feel Good, I Knew That I Would

My first Saturday weigh in yielded a great result. 425, total weigh loss of 9 pounds. I actually giggled at my reflection in the mirror this morning after I weighed myself. I think I found my sweet spot at 1900 calories. Reading Sean Anderson's Transformation Road is helping me understand many things about myself. I feel more committed than ever. I'm determined to become the physical body I'm meant to be. I'm looking forward to the day when the scale reads 325, then 225. There are many miles in front of me but I'll stay on the road until I get to my destination. ETL

Day 28 (426-8) My Break Up With Food

Say the word ten times...  Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food.  What is food?  It's something you put in your mouth, ends up in your stomache and gives your body the nutrients it needs to continue functioning.

I have come to realize that I have a very strong affection, really a love affair with food.   I don't just have a crush on food.. I am in love with food.  This "love" began when I was a small child.  Food items were always the open arms I ran too when either the going got tough or to celebrate something positive.  Every time that food wrapped it's arms around me and hugged me I fell deeper in love with it.  Captain Crunch, Crumb Cake, Pasta, Twinkies, McDonalds, White Castle, Butter Fingers, Burger King, Wendy's... they were always there to either comfort or congratulate me.

When you're a child and your brain is being shaped to think of food in this way, you really have zero control or say in the process.  You follow the examples of those who are responsible for your upbringing and development (code words for parents).  In a sense I was "married" to food during my childhood.  It became my partner when I was a kid and served to help sooth my emotions during the years when I felt love and comfort wasn't available anywhere else.

In my late twenties I married a beautiful, loving, caring woman who loved (and still loves) me unconditionally.  She began to shape my life and throughout the years has helped me understand many things about myself and the world around me.   I fell in love with her then and I love her even more now after 25 years.  However, during those years I always maintained my relationship with my first love, Food.  At times I cooled down the relationship and saw food for what it is.. fuel.  But eventually my childhood programming would creep back in and food would regain it's hold of me.

I'm happy to declare that those days are over.  As "Kay", wife of "Michael Corleone" put it in "The Godfather" when she threatened "La Familia"... "THIS MUST ALL END".   Only for me it's not a threat.  It's a promise.

Food has no heart.  Food has no ability to offer kind words.  Food has no arms.. it can't hug me.  Food can't look me in the eye and listen to me when I need someone to talk with.  Food can't "high five" me when something great happens.  Food is simply fuel.

So.. that said.. it's official.. I'm breaking up with you food... for good.  I will have to use you daily for fuel to survive and I'll enjoy your taste but that's it.   I don't want and won't except your hugs or smiles anymore.  It's not going to be easy because I've loved you for so long. But, I will not let myself be controled by you any longer.

So Goodbye Food and Hello Life!

ETL

ps.  Thanks to the person who was the inspiration for this post.

Day 27 (426-8) Whooosh! Feeling Great!

Even though my weigh in day is Saturday's I do weigh myself from time to time during the week... just to keep focus.  I was given a nice surprise this morning when the scale registered 426, an additional loss of 2 pounds.  Derek told me that could expect what he terms as "A Wooosh" from time to time where the body releases water, fat, whatever...and a good weight reduction is registered.  Well I think I had my first Wooosh over the past 48 hours.   It amazing what a small change like this does to your outlook.  I actually smiled this morning when I saw the number on the scale... and added a little fist pump.

I don't expect Woooshes to happen weekly but I know they will happen if I continue to eat good foods at 1900 per day and get some movement and exercise in my life.    When I look at the overall picture.. if I lose 8 pounds per month I'd be pretty happy with that rate of weight loss.  It's not too drastic, it's healty and it's sustainable.  In my first 27 days I'm already there!

ETL

Day 25 (428-6) What Worked Then Should Work Now

Honestly, I've been weighing myself each morning and I've noticed that my weight is stuck at 428.   I went back to 2010 posts in this blog and re-read a few posts. I found this one along with a comment from a fellow life style changer...  I think Seth had it right and what he wrote goes along with with Derek has been trying to get across to me.   1900 per day and a good calorie burn in  exercise/movement is what it's going to take to burn fat... no mucle.   It takes the combination of the two.  I'm very glad I have this blog...

ETL

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March 13, 2010 Weigh In: 411 lbs, Lost 1 lbs

I often tell my boys that baseball is a thinking man's game. Well losing weight is a thinking person's game as well. For the past two weeks I subjected myself to a little experiment with the goal of figuring out just what my metabolic rate really is.

MyNetDiary's software computes my BMR at 3180. WebMD and other web based calculators confirm this number to be about right for my age, height, weight and level of daily activity. I've been very meticulous in recording EVERTHING I eat since I started this journey on 1/6/10. My average per day for the past two weeks has been 1945 calories which means I should be burning 1235 per day, 1 pound every 3 days...RIGHT? So I should have lost about 4 pounds, RIGHT? Well, during the past 14 days I've lost only 1 pound. Why are the numbers off? I've come up with two reasons:

First, I have not been exercising. If I move my ass I will burn calories. It's that simple and I take total responsibility for not following through on this goal. The weather is getting warmer. I will be coaching two baseball teams soon. My activiy level will increase. All good things. But I also need to get into a routine of daily activity. I will work on this.

Second, the BMR calculators are wrong in my case. I have a slower metabolic rate than the average 411 pound, 49 year old, 6 foot man. I have to believe that based on my two week experiment my actual BMR is more like 2000. To prove this I went back in the records (thanks MyNetDiary) and looked at my caloric intake for those weeks when I was shedding pounds a month or so ago. My average intake was 1500 calories per day. Hmmm.. Well numbers don't lie!

Conclusions:

BMR calculation software may not be right for everyone as a measuring stick. My BMR is actually around 2000. A 1500 calories intake per day should allow me to burn around 500 calories each day (with activity, more). Which is about 1 pound a week. If I have a day where I go 1600 or even 1700 that will be just fine. But 1700 is the absolute ceiling for me.

I need to get myself in the habit of being active. I will burn more calories and lose more weight when I do this.

The big positive is that I am eating good foods and have not gained any weight back. Trust me, I don't take these two accomplishments for granted. However, I now understand the rate my body burns calories and I will do my best to use this knowledge to achieve my goal.

COMMENT FROM SETH:

SethMarch 13, 2010 10:47 PM

In my studying...and we've all done our own form of studying...for a male, cutting your calories that low at a long period of time would only put your body into starvation. In starvation mode - calories are burned mainly from muscle and not fat. Before you cut it that low this is what I would do:

1. Keep it between 1900-2000 cal/day.

2. Hit a calorie burn of 400-500 each day.

3. Up the water intake to 90 ounces +

4. Get your fiber from fruits and vegetables -- lots of these. suggested amount is 25-35g per day. The more fiber you take in -- the more *stuff* you are putting out. It will clean you out.

5. cut sodium.

These are just a few things I would do before I cut so drastically. You have to have teh calories coming in to keep that metabolism.

Also, use the online tools only as tools to benefit your weight loss and not the primary decision maker.

Keep up the good work. A one pound loss is a loss - even if we don't like the amount...it's one hard fought pound

Day 24 (428-6) Monday Status

I have no problem with 1900 calories.  It's plenty of food for me.  I spend about 45 minutes working around the yard yesterday and feeling a bit sore today.  I'm beginning to work more regular movement into my life.   I want to try to keep my body moving at least 30 minutes per day in some fashion as a start.  My ultimate goal is to have a daily workout but I'm just not there yet physically.   I know this will help accelerate the fat loss.  I want to move this along anyway that I can.

I'm going to try making my own protein bars using vanilla whey, oat flour, honey, almond milk and maybe peanut butter.  My goal is to keep these at 150 calories each.  Store bought bars are fairly expensive ($2+ each) and the tend to have too many calories.    I'm going to experiment and will write about the outcome and post the recipe once I get it perfected.

Good Choices, Self-Honesty

ETL

Day 23 (428-6) Old Habits Hard To Break

I'm sure I've written about this before... The impulse to eat without control when my emotions change (up or down).   For example yesterday my Son's high school baseball team won a big game which they have been gearing up for all season.   It was a tense game from start to finish with a lot on the line.  A real pitcher's duel where every pitch was important and the entire team contributed to the win.  The crowd (including me) was hanging on every pitch.  It was two hours of emotional ups, downs, nervousness, excitement, worry and then finally joy! 

After it was over.. I'm in my car for a 5 minute drive home (it was a home game) and one of the first "urges" I get is to stop at the store and get something to eat.  This sounds ridiculous to most people especially since the store is 10 minutes out of the way but this is not uncommon for me and many people with eating disorders.

I caught myself and started doing some heavy self-examination.  Why is it that when I go through an emotional experience I want to eat? Why isn't it comforting enough to just go home and celebrate this great accomplishment with my family?  Why do I always have to bring food into the picture?   I thought about this last night and this morning and I can't come up with plausible answers to these questions because there are no logical reasons.  These questions can't be addressed with a rational, justifiable explanation.  

Why does my mind work like this?  Perhaps decades of programming which positioned food and uncontrolled eating as my pacifier, security blanket, teddy bear or whatever object used to give comfort. Simple explanation:  When a baby cries we give him/her their pacifier to put in their mouth...  For me it's high fat, high carb, sweet, floury, unhealthy food.

My kids had pacifier's when they were young.   How did my wife and I break them of the habit?  We explained to them (when they were the appropriate age) that they were getting to be big kids now and the pacifier was something for younger kids.  It took some time and coaxing but eventually they broke the habit.

I have to realize that its time that I let go of my pacifiers and face emotional changes without food and uncontrolled eating.  It's a total change of mindset.  It takes strength and determination to change it.  I don't know how else to explain it but I do know I have to change it.

ETL

Day 22 (428-6) Change In Plans For Weigh In Day

I've changed my weigh in day to Saturdays. This morning I'm still at 428. That's ok. In 22 days I've lost weight and I'm eating healthy. Life is good. I've resisted s few temptations this past week with good thoughts and carrot sticks. I've never been more motivated to lose weight in my life. ETL

Day 20 (428-6) Keeping My Cool, Friday Morning Weigh In's

It's been 20 days since I started.  I gained back a pound yesterday.  I know 6 pounds in 20 days is healthy.   But honestly, weighing myself everyday and dealing with the micro up and downs is driving me nuts.   Perhaps its because I'm the type of person who likes to see fast results (like most Americans).  I know it's a long road and slow process.  But I feel like I'm checking the oil after every 10 miles of driving.

Regardless, I'm going to start weighing in weekly on Friday mornings.   Its the end of the working week and something to look forward to, etc.   I may step on the scale a few days during the week to check on progress but I'm going to officially report my weight once per week.  Once I drop 30 or 40 pounds I may change back to daily.  But for now.. it's going to be weekly.

I'm adjusting to 2100 calories per day just fine.   In the back of my mind I'm still thinking that 1800 is the right number for me based on previous attempts.   However, if I decide to reduce my intake it won't be drastic.

I'm at the point were I'm working hard at changing and I feel like my body owes me some better results.   I'm not throwing my hands up in the air. I feel good about the changes I've made.  I just want to see the scale move south.  Can you blame me?

So tomorrow will be my first weekly weigh in.

Have a nice day :)

ETL

Day 19 (427-7) Bought A New Scale

Same weight this morning.

I have a nice "doctors" upright scale but I was tired of using the extra counterweights so I bought a digital scale.  Below is a picture... click this to see it on Amazon:



















It's certified up to 440 lbs.  I tried it out this morning and it works just fine...same weight registered as the doctor's scale.  Now I can just step, weigh and go.  Once I get under 350 I'll go back to using the other scale... no extra counterweights.

ETL

Day 18 (427-7) Another Great Day

The scale was kind again to me this morning shedding 2 pounds from two days ago... 427, total weight loss 7 pounds.  I've changed the standard post title to reflect the ongoing tally of weight loss... the -7 being the total pounds lost since I began.

For the past few days I've been ingesting 2100 calories per day.  It's plenty of food.  If I space my calories out over three meals I don't seem to get the urge to eat in between them.  If I do feel hungry I have some carrots or I keep enough calories for a protein bar or whey shake in reserve.  This seems to do the trick.

I feel good about being in the groove for 18 days now.  It's becoming a habit and the urges to binge on high carb/high fat foods are diminishing, albeit slowly.  I still find myself thinking of eating when I'm feeling good or bad mentally about something important.   I keep thinking to myself "good choices and self honesty".   I don't just say these words.  I really think about what they mean and how important they are.  Not only as it applies to food, but how this simple phrase applies to nearly everything we encounter in life.  It's funny that I recall saying to my kids "make good choices and be true to yourself".  It's exactly the same philosophy I'm working hard to live by.  I guess we all are trying to do these two things throughout our lives.

Anyway... I'm going to stick with 2100 for a bit and see how it goes.  Working in more movement of my body is going to help.   For the past few days I've walked about 10 minutes each day.  I try to park the car about 5 minute walk away from where I'm going.   It's a start and it will get better as I have less mass on my frame.

That's all for today.

ETL

Day 16 (429) Change Of Plans

Well things don't always turn out as planned. Because of the way my day went yesterday I wasn't able to do the Re-feed. In fact I ended up eating less calories than normal.. 1800. I felt fine.. had plenty of food. However, the scale wasn't too kind to me this morning. I'm +1 pound from yesterday. More than likely its water retention. I ate some beef jerky yesterday which does have lots of sodium. I plan to flush out today with plenty of water and eat 2100 calories, my new number.

Taking it a day at a time.

ETL

Inspiration From Sean Anderson

Sean Anderson speaking about his experience. Self-honesty.. that's the key...

Day 15 (428) I think I'm Stuck

6 pounds in 15 days... I'm pretty happy with that.   However, this is my 6th day being around the 428 mark and I'm beginning to think that I need to reduce my normal daily caloric intake.  I'm going to do a 2900 calorie Refeed today but tomorrow I'm considering lowering my normal daily calories from 2300 to 2100 keeping it at 40% P, 30% C and 30% F.  It's not a drastic drop and I know I can be satisfied at that level.

Regarding hitting the scale every morning... I know it's the best habit to get into but psychologically it's really difficult when you have so far to go.  Day after day of seeing little or no change can be daunting at times.   I know that once per week is not enough but I'm thinking that maybe Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays might be a good schedule for weighing myself.  I'm going to mull that one over a bit before I change it.

The one thing I haven't worked into my life is exercise.   I plan to buy an exercise bike but I haven't yet.   Starting today I'm going to take a 10 minute walk each day around the yard, around the neighborhood or wherever I might be that day.  Any place where I can fit in a walk.   I have to start someplace and I need to start sooner rather than later.

ETL

Day 14 (428) My First Re-feed

Tomorrow I will have my first read feed. I'm planning 2900 cal and will keep roughly the same PCF ratio. I'm looking at dinner as the focused meal of the day and will be having a chicken Marsala with angel hair pasta. One of my favorite dishes. Sunday I'll be back on 2300 Cals per day. Hopefully it will shake up my metabolism a bit because I'm feeling a bit stalled regarding my weight loss.

ETL

Day 13 (428) My Former Snack Menu

Finally, I shed that freakin .5 pound that was dangling around for the past few days.  Currently 428 lbs, total loss 6 lbs. Daily weigh-ins can be frustrating but they help me start each day with the main goal in mind.

I was talking with Derek about former snack habits today and I thought it might be a good idea to list out some of the snacks I use to inhale and what they're caloric makeups look like... These are not necessarily in order of preference... I was addicted to all of them.  This is a small sampling.  So here we go... (Note:  The McDonalds was very rare but I did eat it a few times during the past 2 years so I thought I should include it):

It seems really crazy now that I look at it this way.  I obviously never took the time to think about how much fat and carbs were contained in these combinations.  Foods that go well together and are so easy to just grab, go and eat in the comfort of the car.

When I peel back the onion its easy to see that if I had one of these snack combos a day, along with my normal 3 meals and late night snack,  I could easily continue to gain weight.    I get flop sweat when I look at this list.   I'm amazed that I just mindlessly ate these things nearly every day.  Talk about a wake up call.   Self analysis can sometimes be a real bitch.. that's for sure.

If I'm tempted again to choose from the above menu I will remember this post and think about the really bad combinations I would put into my body.   This is part of the healing process.   I have to make myself understand what I was mindlessly doing to my body.  Consuming these foods with reckless abandon.

This has stopped thank God.  I'm committed to no starting it again.  Actually I feel like I insulted my own intelligence eating this way.  How could a smart guy do this to himself?   The only answer I have is that I found psychological comfort from my feelings and concerns by stopping off at the store and eating like this.  In a way it's like a shoulder to cry on I guess.  Well, next time I'll call my wife and talk with her if I'm feeling stressed or worried.    Overeating is not the answer.

ETL

Staying Motivated

LeanBodyLifestyle is a great channel on Youtube.   Check out this video on how to stay movitated..

Day 12 (428.5) No One To Blame But Myself

Can I blame my job for adding stress to my life and causing me to eat for comfort?  Can  blame my parents for not instilling good eating habits when I was young?   Can I blame the food industry and capitalism for spawning the creation of high calories, low nutrition, fast and processed foods that can be mindlessly consumed with ease?   These are all questions I've asked myself and rationalizations I've made in the past.   Well I realize now that the answer is, NO, because I have no one to blame but myself.

Being obese is a choice.  In the past I choose to eat 4 slices of pizza when I could have had 2.   I choose to stop at Burger King and drink a large vanilla shake an hour before dinner when I could have had a protein bar and a bottle of spring water.  I choose to eat foods loaded with sugar and carbs in the privacy of my car, hiding my food addiction from my family and friends.   Since I made these choices I can't blame anyway but myself for the results.

Now for the good news..   I can and will do something about it.  I will correct the terrible eating habits I've developed during the first 50 years of my life and vow to maintain healthy eating habits for the remainder of my time on earth.   I have been successful in every other aspect of my life except for my body size and eating habits.  I will win this one too.

It's time take responsibility and move forward in a positive manner with the end goal of living well in a healthy, happy, 220 lbs body!

ETL

Your Transformation Is Powerful

For those of you who don't follow Sean Anderson on Facebook...you should.    Here's his post today...

"Your transformation is powerful. As you become physically smaller your world becomes bigger. You start noticing things you didn't before. You develop a deeper understanding and appreciation of the road behind, giving you a new perspective on the road ahead. You're able to zero in on the present and make choices, one by one, with a confident patience for results. And it's not just you, because everyone around you is affected by your transformation in some way, and this effect is beyond your control or responsibility. You embody inspiration. You're amazing. You're powerful. This IS you."

                                                          - Sean Anderson on Facebook.

Day 11 (428.5) Preparing For Tough Days To Come

Having started a lifestyle change two years ago and not succeeding I'm very conscious this time of bumps in the road that may trip me up.  It's these hurdles that make or break your progress and it's important to understand how to get over them.

When you start a program of changing eating habits for the better your mind is right and your ready to rock n roll.  You start out tracking metrics about the foods your eating and planning your next meals.    This is the "honeymoon" phase if you will.  After about a week you start planning the night before for the entire day to follow.   Then if you just stick with the next day's plan everything will be all right.  Using software for this make it very easy.  You can use MyNetDiary on the iPhone or on the PC or iPad. There are other software solutions too.  My iPhone is always with me (my family calls it my fifth limb) so food analysis with MyNetDiary is always right there with a few key strokes.

Keeping this same eagerness and interest in managing food intake is really important over the first few weeks.   You start to see results and you don't want to go backwards.   All of the sudden good eating becomes a habit.  It starts to seem natural to be concerned about eating too many carbs or not getting enough good fats, etc..  It starts to become sort of like a sports... I've written about this before.  The challenge of setting a goal for the day, managing your way to that goal and then seeing that you've lost a half of a pound the next morning... like a sport.   I know this might be a stretch but there's a certain thrill in that for me.  I guess that means my mind is in a good place with respect to food.

The "danger zone" though is when you get to the point where your cruising day to day and you feel like you can "just eat one bag of M&Ms" or "just have one soft pretzel and grape soda".   You have to tell yourself that "it's not the time to do this.   You can have a protein snack like a PowerBar or even Beef Jerky but you must stay away from high carb, high sugar foods".    When it's time for a Re-Feed you can go outside of the norm. 

You have to put the reasons why your changing your eating habits in your mind when those tough times come.. and they will come.    You have to tell yourself... "I want to see my kids graduate from high school and college.  I want be able to go on college tours with my kids and be able to walk around the campus without having to stop and rest.  I want to be healthy well into my 70s and 80s so I can enjoy what I've worked for my entire life."   These reasons keep you going.  These things are more important to you than eating two large coffee rolls or crumb cakes.

You can't fall into the trap of self-pity, empathy or nonsense rationalizations.  "Oh I've done so well these past two weeks, I deserve to eat that huge piece of cheesecake."  You can't eat that cheesecake now.  You can during a holiday or other special time but not now. 

You have to turn it around...  The reality is that you deserve to not eat those foods that are outside of your program.  Your body deserves to be healthy. Your metabolism deserves to function normally.  Your legs and joints deserve to carry a person who is 220 lbs, not 440 pounds.  You family deserves not to have to worry about your health.   These are the thoughts that should comfort you during the tough times.

And yes.. I'm writing this post to myself because I know these difficult days are coming and I want to be prepared.

ETL

Lunch: Ham, Turkey, Pinnapple - 534 Cals

Here's today's lunch:

2 oz Ham
2 oz Turkey
1 Arnold Multigrain Thin Roll
1 tbs lite mayo

1 cup skim milk
1 serving Scivation Whey Vanilla
3 ice cubes

1 cup fresh pineapple
1 fork

I was going to add the pineapple to the whey shake but I thought it would be nice to have two things to actually chew.   I felt very satisfied after this meal.

Day 10 (428.5) Half A Pound at A Time

This morning I was pleased to see the scale indicator move a little to the left.  My weight is now 428.5 lbs, total weight loss 5.5 lbs.  As I'm sure I've written before..  any weight loss is a good loss!   I need to start moving my body to help with calorie burn.  Going to start to walk at least 10 minutes per day.
Made some nice chicken fajitas last night.  Chicken, onions, green peppers, mushrooms, fresh squeezed lime juice... all sauteed (table spoon of olive oil) in a grilling pan and served with 3 tortillas (two whole wheat and one white flour).   Calories and make up of both types of tortillas are about the same.  Probably should have stuck with two but I had the cals left to have three.  I had a sprinkle of low fat shredded Mexican cheese on them with some salsa.

My carb ratio was a bit high yesterday so I'll balance it out today with more protein.  I'm not really worried about it. It's not like I went way over or had a high carb binge.  I'm in control.  Although I was getting pretty strong urges last night around 10pm.   I had a glass of skim milk and the world was a better place.

My plan this week is to stick with 2300 cals @ 40P/30C/30F ration and do a 2800 calorie Re-Feed on Saturday.  I may have mentioned this but I also bought a good digital food scale.  They spring loaded scale we have is OK but not very accurate.   If I'm going to start experimenting with recipes and stuff I'll need a good scale.

Might to try to make Derek's Chocolate Cake tonight.   More to come...

ETL

Day 9 (429) Another Rainy Day

Well actually we haven't had too many recently and we can really use the rain in the area where I live.

My weight remains at 429 lbs... total loss of 5 lbs overall. I'm pretty happy with this for the first week and I expect to get into the 1-2 lbs per week loss mode very soon.

What's great is I rarely feel really hungry. I'm having satisfying meals that are healthy and tasty at the same time. I'm trying to mix things up so I don't get tried of having the same thing. I'm looking forward to trying the cake recipes that Derek gave me. I may shoot a video and post it on YouTube.

I'm getting into the swing of things which is the first step to forming good habits. I've never felt more committed and I have family reading my blog which adds incentive!

I also bought a digital food scale online today which will make things a lot easier. Maybe this week I'll investigate exercise bikes. I'm leaning towards a recumbent. Leave comments if you have suggestions.

Thats all for today.

ETL

Day 8 (429): Busy Day Today

No reduction in body weight today.  Oh well, that's what happens when you weigh yourself daily.   Short update  today.  Lots of family activity and baseball.

In the habit now of planning meals.   Planned my breakfast last night while watching a movie.   This is a good sign.  In the groove.  Lifestyle change feels good.

Derek gave me a few cool low cal / high protein cake recipes.  5 minutes to make personal size cakes.  All around 200 Cals.  Chocolate, Apple Cinn and Vanilla.   Going by the ingredients to try them next week.  Will post pics and recipes too.  Here's a preview...

That's all for now.

ETL

Lunch: Cheese Dogs - 523 Cals

2 turkey hot dogs
1/4 low fat Mexican shredded cheese
1 multi grain large tortilla cut in half

microwave hot dogs for 1 minute on high
roll up in tortilla and add cheese
microwave for 1 more minute.

Day 7 (429): When To Re-Feed, That Is The Question

Good news.. I woke up, weighed in and lost another pound which brings me to 429 lbs and a total lost of 5 pounds.  Note.. I'm going to start including my current weight in the blog title.

 I'm really happy with the 2300 Cal level and 40% Protein /30% Carb /30% Fat ratio.   It allows me to feel very satisfied at meals and have foods that are good and enjoyable.   Last night I budgeted for 1 cup of Edy's Lite Vanilla Ice Cream.  Not something I will do everyday but it was definitely delicious.   Theres nothing wrong with enjoying foods.  We're not robots for crying out loud.  The good Lord gave us taste buds for a reason.  Anyway, a good week so far and really happy with the results.

Now to the Re-Feed.   First, for those of you who aren't familiar with the term, A Re-Feed is an event where you eat above your normal calorie plan and can go outside of your PCF ratio.  It's a common method used in body building.  The theory is that as you continue at a set level your metabolism starts to get nervous especially if you've had a recent  major drop in caloric intake.  Take me for example.  Last week I was eating 4500-5000 cals per day.  Then all of the sudden I drop it down to 2300.  After a few days my metabolism starts to raise the red flag and may begin to burn fat at a slower rate (survival mode).  By doing a Re-Feed you give your metabolism a higher caloric intake.. say 2800.   This sends the message to your metabolism that everything is OK and hopefully you go back to burning energy at the faster rate.  Of course exercise will help all this too.

The idea of a Re-Feed is kinda cool.  It gives you the option to go outside of your P/C/F ratio for a day and have some foods you might not normally eat during your normal program.  Now that's not to say you eat an entire pizza or apple pie.   I think you have to stay with the notion of everything in moderation.   Personally, I'm going to stay close to my PCF ratio.  I don't want to take a chance of falling off the train.   I'm going to stick with good foods but just have more of them for a day.

Look, I'm not a nutritionist or a physician.  What I'm describing is what was suggested to me by a person who is very knowledgeable about nutrition.  It all make sense to me and I'm going to try it and see what happens.  The way I look at it... I'm eating 2300 now.. 2800 is more than my plan but its certainly way less that the 4000-5000 cals I had been consuming.

Some say that Re-Feeds should be wide open caloric intake and without concern for Fat/Protein/Carb ratios.  I'm not going to do that.  I'm going to pop it up 500 and stick with the same ratios because I don't want to put myself on a path back to being a Free Style eater.

The other question is... when should I do my Re-Feed?  Weekly, Bi-Weekly, Monthly?  I think if I was well into my program then I would go with weekly.  My brother in law  (he's they guy that kicked me in the ass and got me back on the program) who lost 60 pounds on this program and also works out like a madman does weekly Re-Feeds.  This works for him mentally and physically.  I'm going to start with Bi-Weekly and see what the results are.  Again, I'm on the train now and I don't want to do anything that might put me back in my old state of mind with regard to eating.

BTW... I'm going to start referring to my brother in law as Derek because 1.. he thinks Derek Jeter is overrated  (I disagree) and 2.  its easier to type "Derek" than "my brother in law".

This entire program seems to really make sense to me.  As Derek said yesterday, he thinks of it as a game.   If you think about it.. it really is like a sport if you will.  You try out this strategy see if it shows results .. try something else see if that works.  With the end game being body fat loss.   I'll save the "Weight Loss Is A Sport" post for another day.

Until then.. thanks for reading and I hope my experiences are helpful..

ETL

Day 6: Wash Cloth For The Soul

I woke up, weighed myself and was pleased to see I lost another pound.. Now at 430 lbs.

Last night I wrote an email to Sean Anderson the author of Transformation Road.  I had exchanged emails with him a few years ago and I wanted to let him know I was back on track. I also wanted him to know how much I identified with his book.

I wrote to him that "Reading your book has forced me to confront the reasons why I eat for comfort.   After I have those confrontations I feel like someone took a wash cloth and cleansed my soul. That someone is me I guess but I wanted to say thanks to you for giving me the wash cloth."

I guess Sean kinda liked the analogy because he wrote me back this morning. It felt great to get his response. I wanted him to know that he was helping me heal myself.

Really happy with the way things are going.

ETL

Day 5: A Continuing Battle To Remain Honest With Myself

It's just amazing how the brain works. Yesterday my son's high school baseball team played an important game. I drove about 30 minutes to the game, past multiple temptations but did not stop for any snacks (pat on the back).

It was a great game and they ended up winning. It was a bit stressful and I was nervous a few times during the contest. I could feel adrenaline surges from time to time. OK.. I'm really into baseball and want his team to do well. For those of you who are baseball fans you know what I mean about stress/excitement while watching a game.

Anyway... they win the game and I get in my car to go home. First thing that comes to mind... "food". This has to be a result of the stress/excitement I felt during the game. Food means comfort to me right now. I think "McDonald's is on the way home"..but crush that because I don't want that bad feeling I get when I eat that sodium/fat enriched crap. Then I think "Quickcheck" which is a convenience store. "Yes, that's on the way... I'll stop there for a snack". I can already see the carb loaded crap that I use to eat (before Saturday).

I start to drive and think about my Brother-In-Law who wrote that great doc that woke me up to the fact that I have to change. I think about my family who I don't want to lie to. I tell myself.. "no way.. no bad food. i'm having good food for dinner". My wife had planned Filet Mignon with baked sweet potato and veggies.

So what do I do? At the last second I make the turn off the highway to go the the Quickcheck. Crazy right? I pull into the parking but honestly my mind is kinda blank. In the past I would have already planned out all the the crappy food I was going to buy and what I was going to do with the wrappers so I didn't get caught. But before I get out of the car I stop myself and say to myself "look, you get a water and a protein bar and then get out of there. No candy, no chips, no donuts, no garbage. Don't give in and lose the last 3 days of progress. Keep on the program for your family".

Thankfully, I listened to myself and did just that. I bought a water and protein bar and walked out. Then I went home and had a nice dinner. I even called my wife to tell her I had stopped for a protein bar. I think I was proud that I wasn't hiding anything. I had eaten something that was withing my plan. I was doing something that was normal. There was no guilt. It felt good.

Add to that good feeling.. the feeling I had this morning when I weighed myself and lost another pound. I've now lost 3 pounds, current weight 431 lbs.

I have these urges that I battle to stop at the store and eat crappy foods. This is despite the fact that the program I'm following provides plenty of food. I'm really very satisfied during the entire day. I know the mental addition to comfort foods is going to take some time to break. I'll get there. I have to. I'm hoping that soon I'll be able to get in the car, drive somewhere and not think about eating a snack.

ETL

Day 3: The Stone Keeps On Rolling

Some say the early days of a lifestyle change are the hardest.. for me they're the easiest. I'm fresh full of commitment and resolution. I woke up today eager to weigh myself.. lost another 1.5 pounds down to 432, 2 pounds total loss. Ok.. it mostly water weight but it shows that the caloric level (2300) and breakdown (40P/30C/30F) seems to be working. Need to give it some more time.

I resisted going to the convenience store for a snack again today telling myself that I have to be honest with myself first. That's a challenge but I feel like I'm winning the daily battle. I feel great too. Looking forward to hitting the 10 pound loss mark.

I've been surprised each evening with how many cals I have left for dinner. Each meal I'm eating is very satisfying. The key is I'm not eating crap in between (high sugar and carb). Like tonight i'm having 8 oz of grilled chicken, 1/4 cup of low carb pasta, broccoli, 1/4 cup of walnuts and a PowerBar Plus Vanilla Yogurt for dessert. Not bad.

Proves the point that if you manage your nutrition you don't have to starve yourself to lose weight. I'm a believer.

I also began reading Sean Anderson's book "Transformation Road". Only through the first few chapters and so far it's very good. Hits home in a lot of ways.

Taking it one day at a time.

ETL

Days 1 and 2: Getting Honest With Myself

It started with an email from my brother in law, a guy that I love like a brother. He is very knowledgable about nutrition and offered to help me with a common sense approach. I said yes and he countered with an 11 page document explaining his ideas and philosophy behind maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

As I read the doc I thought back to all I had learned from other bloggers like Sean Anderson and many others like him. I also thought about the commitment I made to my family and more importantly myself. I messed up big time. I gave up. I stopped being honest with myself.

Well no more. Watching others in my family who struggle with obesity their whole lives and the effects it has on them in their senior years made me realize I don't want to be like that.

I want to be on this earth as long as possible and to do that I have to lose about 200 pounds and change my life drastically.

I want to be honest with myself.

I will do it. I will. The last two days I have been tracking and following a focused approach to weight loss.

I'm going to try to post here every day following the lead of Sean Anderson who's book I just bought for my iPad.

Onward and upward! One day at a time.

ETL

An Awakening... 14 Months Later

Its been 14 months and a lot has happened during this time. As far as my weight... I'm back up to 434 lbs as of yesterday.  But the good news is that I've recommitted myself to my health. I began a controlled program thanks to a family member who has helped me re-sync my brain. I'll be eating 2300 calls per day to start with a 40P/30C/30F breakout. Using mynetdiary.com is great for tracking and managing daily food consumption.

I still do not drink diet drinks or eat fake sweeteners. I'm proud of this change that I have maintained. I've had fast food on occasion but no where near the extent prior to Jan 2010.

Reading some of my posts from when I started this blog has been helpful. I'll be weighing myself everyday and will be reporting here periodically. The good news is that I'm still alive and I have the ability to change my life.

Wish me luck!

ETL