This morning I woke up and did something that I've been avoiding for about a month... I weighed myself. I knew I gained weight and figured I was at least back to my starting point. WRONG.. I'm 4 pounds over my previous starting point.
Why? Eating the wrong foods while traveling over the summer to various events. Sneaking visits to the local convenience store or concession stands at games for a snack. Eating at home in between meals. Eating after dinner when everyone has gone to bed. Not exercising. And last but not least (and probably worst of all) not keeping track of caloric intake. Basically. I'm free style eating again.
I caught myself... I'm going to restart as of today and I'm not going to do any of these things anymore. I can't allow my eating disorder to dictate my mobility, happiness, relationships, self-esteem, state of mind... basically my LIFE.
So today is Day 1. As of today I'm getting real with myself. I'm going to be sensible and honest about what I eat and when I eat. Track 1600 calories per day as my limit (I just entered my breakfast of 310 cals). More protein than carbs and low fat. No more rationalization of food choices.
I don't want to be in this body anymore. I have to create a new body. I want a body that can walk 2 miles without having to sit down every 1/4 mile. I want a body that can wear nice clothes and shoes. I want a body that doesn't have to worry about fitting into chairs that are designed for the majority of the population. I want a body that can do all the things I should be doing that I can't do now. I want a body that will allow me to lead A NORMAL LIFE!!!!
It's not going to happen through magic. I have to do it. I have to manage what I eat and do. I have to stay focused and stick with the plan. I have to keep it fresh in my mind why I tend to do what I do with food. I want to do all of these things. I want to change more than anything.
Borrowing from Sean Anderson.. "This time, the last time—I simplified by focusing on three absolutes everyday: Staying within my calorie budget, doing some kind of exercise and writing out how I was feeling along the way. As long as I did those three things, all of the other things I stressed over before, would work out along the way."
ETL
Welcome back.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing that we can get as many beginnings as we please. Thank goodness, because I've blown through so many of them.
I have gained as well. My weight was at an all time low. I honestly don't know what happened. Self sabotage.
Anyway, the beauty is - we can keep coming back.
I'm happy to see you here.