Day 5: A Continuing Battle To Remain Honest With Myself

It's just amazing how the brain works. Yesterday my son's high school baseball team played an important game. I drove about 30 minutes to the game, past multiple temptations but did not stop for any snacks (pat on the back).

It was a great game and they ended up winning. It was a bit stressful and I was nervous a few times during the contest. I could feel adrenaline surges from time to time. OK.. I'm really into baseball and want his team to do well. For those of you who are baseball fans you know what I mean about stress/excitement while watching a game.

Anyway... they win the game and I get in my car to go home. First thing that comes to mind... "food". This has to be a result of the stress/excitement I felt during the game. Food means comfort to me right now. I think "McDonald's is on the way home"..but crush that because I don't want that bad feeling I get when I eat that sodium/fat enriched crap. Then I think "Quickcheck" which is a convenience store. "Yes, that's on the way... I'll stop there for a snack". I can already see the carb loaded crap that I use to eat (before Saturday).

I start to drive and think about my Brother-In-Law who wrote that great doc that woke me up to the fact that I have to change. I think about my family who I don't want to lie to. I tell myself.. "no way.. no bad food. i'm having good food for dinner". My wife had planned Filet Mignon with baked sweet potato and veggies.

So what do I do? At the last second I make the turn off the highway to go the the Quickcheck. Crazy right? I pull into the parking but honestly my mind is kinda blank. In the past I would have already planned out all the the crappy food I was going to buy and what I was going to do with the wrappers so I didn't get caught. But before I get out of the car I stop myself and say to myself "look, you get a water and a protein bar and then get out of there. No candy, no chips, no donuts, no garbage. Don't give in and lose the last 3 days of progress. Keep on the program for your family".

Thankfully, I listened to myself and did just that. I bought a water and protein bar and walked out. Then I went home and had a nice dinner. I even called my wife to tell her I had stopped for a protein bar. I think I was proud that I wasn't hiding anything. I had eaten something that was withing my plan. I was doing something that was normal. There was no guilt. It felt good.

Add to that good feeling.. the feeling I had this morning when I weighed myself and lost another pound. I've now lost 3 pounds, current weight 431 lbs.

I have these urges that I battle to stop at the store and eat crappy foods. This is despite the fact that the program I'm following provides plenty of food. I'm really very satisfied during the entire day. I know the mental addition to comfort foods is going to take some time to break. I'll get there. I have to. I'm hoping that soon I'll be able to get in the car, drive somewhere and not think about eating a snack.

ETL