Monday, May 28, 2012

Day 46 (426-8) Four Days Of Holiday Foods

Are you ready for this...Thursday night a BBQ, Friday night out to dinner with friends, Saturday night out to a friends house for another BBQ and Sunday over to my Sisters for yet another party.   How many temptations were there?  PLENTY.   In the past this would be just the kind of thing that would set me right back into old eating ways.     Life's stress and other factors giving me the rationale to say "What the hell, I'm eating that __(fill in the blank)_."  I could have slipped right back into free style eating. BUT.. I didn't.

I ate sensible at breakfast and lunch leaving enough in the calorie bank for dinner. At those dinners I ate moderate portions of foods that I felt would be right along the lines of what I should be eating. I even had a few light beers.  I may have gone a bit over 1700 each day but not much.  I stayed away from desserts for the most part... I had a small portion of some goodies at one of the BBQs but not enough to throw myself into a spiral.  

I was a bit concerned yesterday morning when I snuck in a weigh in and found myself up 3 pounds after one day.  But I'm happy to report that as of this morning most of that weight is gone... water weight for the most part.

I've learned a very important lesson over the past 4 days.  I can function in situations where there is abundant food.  I can manage my portions and plan out what I'm going to eat.  I can wake up the next day not feeling guilty about eating a few treats because I ate in a sensible manner.

So let's just consider this holiday weekend a re-feed.   This morning I'm back to the plan.. Greek yogurt mixed with Kashi lean cereal then planning sensible eating throughout the day.

Good choices, Self-Truth.


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Day 44 (426-8) Weigh In. No Change

A bit of a bummer this morning when the scale showed the same number as last week but that's the way it goes I guess. Last night I went out to dinner with friends and had a very sensible meal which I was proud of. I'm going you BBQ tonight and I'm prepared to be diligent. Let's see if this week I can get more exercise in and get the scale to move down a few notches. ETL

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Day 42 (426-8) Sneaked A Weigh In

I woke up curious and had to weigh myself this morning.  My suspicions that I described yesterday were unfounded.  I remain at 426 which I'm happy about.  Hopefully, I experience a "wooosh" before Saturday's official weigh in and record a loss for this week.. If not, so be it.  It's a long journey and I have to be ready to handle the pace of progress.  The important thing is that my eating habits are changing for the better and I'm winning the food addiction battles as they come along.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day 41 (426-8) Staying On Course And Planning Ahead

I haven't weighed myself but I don't feel like I've lost any weight since Saturday.  I guess this feedback is coming from the way my clothes are fitting the past few days.   I've been eating between 1700 and 1900 calories per day which I feel should be a good range for me.  I've been doing is shooting for 1700 and usually ending up around 1850.  Maybe I need to go back to 1500 which what I was eating when I was losing weight at a healthy clip back in 2010.   But my dilemma is that I wasn't able to sustain that behavior.  Does 200 or 250 calories really make a difference?  Not sure really but I guess I'll find out Saturday.  All I'm sure of is that I want to lose weight and I want to lose it as fast as possible.

I know it's a pitfall to start dropping daily calories because it will likely throw my metabolic rate into starvation mode but I feel like I need to do something to get things going.  I've been getting a little walking in just about every day but it's not more that 10 minutes per session.  I need to step the exercise up.

My concern is that we're coming into the summer months and that means traveling for summer baseball.  I love it but it brings with it constant food decisions because due to timing we have to eat on the road a lot.  It's mainly dinner choices because usually the games are over in the evening, we're hungry and a hour or so away from home.   This season there won't be any over night trips so that will limit restaurant eating.  The reality though is that I have to get use to making good choices when eating out as well.  I can always pack a cooler!

It's really amazing to me that I have to think so much about food.  But I guess it's a good thing that I'm planning meals and eating in a sensible fashion.   I have to admit though.. it is a grind.


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Day 37 (426-8) This Week's Weigh In... Ugh!

I wasn't greeted with great news this morning. I gained 1 pound from last week. Not sure why. I followed my plan of 1900 cals per day. I guess it's just the way it is. I'm hoping for another Wooosh next week. My chin is up and I'm moving forward!


Friday, May 18, 2012

Day 35 (425-9) How Am I Doing Vs My Plan?

When I started this blog back in 2010 I developed an 8 point plan as a guide to help me on my journey.  These 8 items still hold true for me today and I wanted to go through them to see what kind of job I'm doing following them..
  1. Monitor caloric and nutritional intake. Eat three meals a day along with healthy snacks within my daily calorie plan and protein, carb and fat ratio (PCF Ratio).
  2. No diet soda or processed foods.
  3. Drink lots of water.
  4. Exercise 15 minutes per day. Be more active overall.
  5. Weigh in weekly (with spot checks throughout the week).
  6. Report progress, thoughts, etc on this blog.
  7. Seek out tools to help me reach my goal weight of 220 lbs.
  8. Reach for support from family, friends and bloggers before I reach for a doughnut
I have to say that for the past 35 days I've been doing great on all of them... except for #4.   I have not turned in a good effort on #4 at all.  Every few days I take a short walk but I definitely have not exercised for 15 minutes daily.

My plan was to buy a recumbent bike but I haven't been able to find one that is rated for my weight capacity.  A sad but true fact.   Really the only main exercise I can do at this point is walking.  It's not easy because usually after about 5 minutes of walking my lower back starts to hurt.  I grind through it but it's certainly not a pleasant experience.

When I go to the store or to a ball game I park my car further away to force more walking time to and from.  I found a great iPhone app that is a GPS Pedometer which tracks your steps, distance and walk time... Pretty cool.

The difficulty is avoiding the rationalizations that cause me to sit on the couch or at my desk rather than walk and move. Its so easy not to do things.  What I mean is.. it's easy to not go for a walk or to not update my blog daily.  I can't be lazy about this anymore.  I have to come up with a reason every day to walk.  I'll have to take #4 a day at a time and as I shed the pounds it will become easier to exercise.  But.. I have to put in the time now to get there.

Good choice, Self honesty


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Day 34 (425-9) Grinding Through The Tough Times

We all have tough days. You know... those days when multiple issues hit you all at once and cause a storm of stress, aggravation and yes.. maybe even anger.   Well yesterday was one of those days for me.

The day was going fine.. a little stressful at work.  Then suddenly a few personal problems popped up, one thing led to another and I found myself in a VERY aggravated state.  While in this state I found myself battling the urge to run for cover.  What I mean is the urge to run to food for comfort and relief.

I was sitting at the table after a nice dinner of Dreamfield pasta, turkey meat balls and an Italian sausage.  I was completely satisfied from the food I had just eaten and doing perfectly on my calorie count for the day.  I had even taken a 10 minute walk early in the afternoon with my son.   But as the storm of aggravation hit I found myself thinking about and starting to plan what I could eat after everyone had gone to bed.   I was thinking about making a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a tall glass of milk and a few other of my former late night standard meals (not snacks). That's right... thinking about this minutes after I had finished eating dinner.

Thankfully with a little venting via my wife I was able to gain control of my emotions and the urge to eat.  They stayed with me until my head hit the pillow last night but I was able pull back the reigns and avoid opening the refrigerator. 

When I woke up this morning I felt pretty good about what I had accomplished.  I had fought and won a battle that my former self would have easily succumbed to.   For the "old me" it would have been 2 PBJs, a bowl of cereal and maybe some ice cream.  For "new me" it was watching baseball, talking with my wife, texting with my sister and no food.  I still had 100 calories left and could have had a piece of fruit but wanted to put food out of my mind last night.  I didn't want to run to it any more.  Remember.. I broke up with food last week.

The lesson for me here is that while my mind is still running a version of software that has the "run to food" routine running I can be strong and resist the temptation.  Last night I consciously re-routed the code in my head and avoided stress eating.  It will take time to upgrade my brain but eventually I'll be running Version 2 which hopefully will have the "run for food" routine removed.  OK.. I was a software designer at one time in my life so pardon the programming analogies.

Taking it one day at a time...


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Day 33 (425-9) Mid Week Update

It's been hard for me to find the time the past few days to post.  Things are going great.  I slipped in a weigh in this morning and my weight hasn't changed since Saturday.   I'm hoping that over the next three days I drop a few pounds so I can report a good number after Saturday's weigh in.  

In interest of full disclosure.. I went over 1900 cals on Mother's Day but not too bad.  I also put in a 10 minute walk that day so I felt like I made up for it.  As the weather gets warmer I'm finding myself walking and moving more. However, I'm not satisfied with my overall level of activity.   I need to get my ass moving.

I'm starting to feel a little loose in my clothes and in the back of my mind I'm looking forward to the day when I can start tossing large clothes in the trash.  Of course I'll keep a few articles of clothing to show as my "before" wardrobe.

That's all for today.


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Day 29 (425-9) I Feel Good, I Knew That I Would

My first Saturday weigh in yielded a great result. 425, total weigh loss of 9 pounds. I actually giggled at my reflection in the mirror this morning after I weighed myself. I think I found my sweet spot at 1900 calories. Reading Sean Anderson's Transformation Road is helping me understand many things about myself. I feel more committed than ever. I'm determined to become the physical body I'm meant to be. I'm looking forward to the day when the scale reads 325, then 225. There are many miles in front of me but I'll stay on the road until I get to my destination. ETL

Friday, May 11, 2012

Day 28 (426-8) My Break Up With Food

Say the word ten times...  Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food.  What is food?  It's something you put in your mouth, ends up in your stomache and gives your body the nutrients it needs to continue functioning.

I have come to realize that I have a very strong affection, really a love affair with food.   I don't just have a crush on food.. I am in love with food.  This "love" began when I was a small child.  Food items were always the open arms I ran too when either the going got tough or to celebrate something positive.  Every time that food wrapped it's arms around me and hugged me I fell deeper in love with it.  Captain Crunch, Crumb Cake, Pasta, Twinkies, McDonalds, White Castle, Butter Fingers, Burger King, Wendy's... they were always there to either comfort or congratulate me.

When you're a child and your brain is being shaped to think of food in this way, you really have zero control or say in the process.  You follow the examples of those who are responsible for your upbringing and development (code words for parents).  In a sense I was "married" to food during my childhood.  It became my partner when I was a kid and served to help sooth my emotions during the years when I felt love and comfort wasn't available anywhere else.

In my late twenties I married a beautiful, loving, caring woman who loved (and still loves) me unconditionally.  She began to shape my life and throughout the years has helped me understand many things about myself and the world around me.   I fell in love with her then and I love her even more now after 25 years.  However, during those years I always maintained my relationship with my first love, Food.  At times I cooled down the relationship and saw food for what it is.. fuel.  But eventually my childhood programming would creep back in and food would regain it's hold of me.

I'm happy to declare that those days are over.  As "Kay", wife of "Michael Corleone" put it in "The Godfather" when she threatened "La Familia"... "THIS MUST ALL END".   Only for me it's not a threat.  It's a promise.

Food has no heart.  Food has no ability to offer kind words.  Food has no arms.. it can't hug me.  Food can't look me in the eye and listen to me when I need someone to talk with.  Food can't "high five" me when something great happens.  Food is simply fuel.

So.. that said.. it's official.. I'm breaking up with you food... for good.  I will have to use you daily for fuel to survive and I'll enjoy your taste but that's it.   I don't want and won't except your hugs or smiles anymore.  It's not going to be easy because I've loved you for so long. But, I will not let myself be controled by you any longer.

So Goodbye Food and Hello Life!


ps.  Thanks to the person who was the inspiration for this post.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Day 27 (426-8) Whooosh! Feeling Great!

Even though my weigh in day is Saturday's I do weigh myself from time to time during the week... just to keep focus.  I was given a nice surprise this morning when the scale registered 426, an additional loss of 2 pounds.  Derek told me that could expect what he terms as "A Wooosh" from time to time where the body releases water, fat, whatever...and a good weight reduction is registered.  Well I think I had my first Wooosh over the past 48 hours.   It amazing what a small change like this does to your outlook.  I actually smiled this morning when I saw the number on the scale... and added a little fist pump.

I don't expect Woooshes to happen weekly but I know they will happen if I continue to eat good foods at 1900 per day and get some movement and exercise in my life.    When I look at the overall picture.. if I lose 8 pounds per month I'd be pretty happy with that rate of weight loss.  It's not too drastic, it's healty and it's sustainable.  In my first 27 days I'm already there!


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Day 25 (428-6) What Worked Then Should Work Now

Honestly, I've been weighing myself each morning and I've noticed that my weight is stuck at 428.   I went back to 2010 posts in this blog and re-read a few posts. I found this one along with a comment from a fellow life style changer...  I think Seth had it right and what he wrote goes along with with Derek has been trying to get across to me.   1900 per day and a good calorie burn in  exercise/movement is what it's going to take to burn fat... no mucle.   It takes the combination of the two.  I'm very glad I have this blog...



March 13, 2010 Weigh In: 411 lbs, Lost 1 lbs

I often tell my boys that baseball is a thinking man's game. Well losing weight is a thinking person's game as well. For the past two weeks I subjected myself to a little experiment with the goal of figuring out just what my metabolic rate really is.

MyNetDiary's software computes my BMR at 3180. WebMD and other web based calculators confirm this number to be about right for my age, height, weight and level of daily activity. I've been very meticulous in recording EVERTHING I eat since I started this journey on 1/6/10. My average per day for the past two weeks has been 1945 calories which means I should be burning 1235 per day, 1 pound every 3 days...RIGHT? So I should have lost about 4 pounds, RIGHT? Well, during the past 14 days I've lost only 1 pound. Why are the numbers off? I've come up with two reasons:

First, I have not been exercising. If I move my ass I will burn calories. It's that simple and I take total responsibility for not following through on this goal. The weather is getting warmer. I will be coaching two baseball teams soon. My activiy level will increase. All good things. But I also need to get into a routine of daily activity. I will work on this.

Second, the BMR calculators are wrong in my case. I have a slower metabolic rate than the average 411 pound, 49 year old, 6 foot man. I have to believe that based on my two week experiment my actual BMR is more like 2000. To prove this I went back in the records (thanks MyNetDiary) and looked at my caloric intake for those weeks when I was shedding pounds a month or so ago. My average intake was 1500 calories per day. Hmmm.. Well numbers don't lie!


BMR calculation software may not be right for everyone as a measuring stick. My BMR is actually around 2000. A 1500 calories intake per day should allow me to burn around 500 calories each day (with activity, more). Which is about 1 pound a week. If I have a day where I go 1600 or even 1700 that will be just fine. But 1700 is the absolute ceiling for me.

I need to get myself in the habit of being active. I will burn more calories and lose more weight when I do this.

The big positive is that I am eating good foods and have not gained any weight back. Trust me, I don't take these two accomplishments for granted. However, I now understand the rate my body burns calories and I will do my best to use this knowledge to achieve my goal.


In my studying...and we've all done our own form of studying...for a male, cutting your calories that low at a long period of time would only put your body into starvation. In starvation mode - calories are burned mainly from muscle and not fat. Before you cut it that low this is what I would do:

1. Keep it between 1900-2000 cal/day.

2. Hit a calorie burn of 400-500 each day.

3. Up the water intake to 90 ounces +

4. Get your fiber from fruits and vegetables -- lots of these. suggested amount is 25-35g per day. The more fiber you take in -- the more *stuff* you are putting out. It will clean you out.

5. cut sodium.

These are just a few things I would do before I cut so drastically. You have to have teh calories coming in to keep that metabolism.

Also, use the online tools only as tools to benefit your weight loss and not the primary decision maker.

Keep up the good work. A one pound loss is a loss - even if we don't like the's one hard fought pound

Monday, May 7, 2012

Day 24 (428-6) Monday Status

I have no problem with 1900 calories.  It's plenty of food for me.  I spend about 45 minutes working around the yard yesterday and feeling a bit sore today.  I'm beginning to work more regular movement into my life.   I want to try to keep my body moving at least 30 minutes per day in some fashion as a start.  My ultimate goal is to have a daily workout but I'm just not there yet physically.   I know this will help accelerate the fat loss.  I want to move this along anyway that I can.

I'm going to try making my own protein bars using vanilla whey, oat flour, honey, almond milk and maybe peanut butter.  My goal is to keep these at 150 calories each.  Store bought bars are fairly expensive ($2+ each) and the tend to have too many calories.    I'm going to experiment and will write about the outcome and post the recipe once I get it perfected.

Good Choices, Self-Honesty


Sunday, May 6, 2012

Day 23 (428-6) Old Habits Hard To Break

I'm sure I've written about this before... The impulse to eat without control when my emotions change (up or down).   For example yesterday my Son's high school baseball team won a big game which they have been gearing up for all season.   It was a tense game from start to finish with a lot on the line.  A real pitcher's duel where every pitch was important and the entire team contributed to the win.  The crowd (including me) was hanging on every pitch.  It was two hours of emotional ups, downs, nervousness, excitement, worry and then finally joy! 

After it was over.. I'm in my car for a 5 minute drive home (it was a home game) and one of the first "urges" I get is to stop at the store and get something to eat.  This sounds ridiculous to most people especially since the store is 10 minutes out of the way but this is not uncommon for me and many people with eating disorders.

I caught myself and started doing some heavy self-examination.  Why is it that when I go through an emotional experience I want to eat? Why isn't it comforting enough to just go home and celebrate this great accomplishment with my family?  Why do I always have to bring food into the picture?   I thought about this last night and this morning and I can't come up with plausible answers to these questions because there are no logical reasons.  These questions can't be addressed with a rational, justifiable explanation.  

Why does my mind work like this?  Perhaps decades of programming which positioned food and uncontrolled eating as my pacifier, security blanket, teddy bear or whatever object used to give comfort. Simple explanation:  When a baby cries we give him/her their pacifier to put in their mouth...  For me it's high fat, high carb, sweet, floury, unhealthy food.

My kids had pacifier's when they were young.   How did my wife and I break them of the habit?  We explained to them (when they were the appropriate age) that they were getting to be big kids now and the pacifier was something for younger kids.  It took some time and coaxing but eventually they broke the habit.

I have to realize that its time that I let go of my pacifiers and face emotional changes without food and uncontrolled eating.  It's a total change of mindset.  It takes strength and determination to change it.  I don't know how else to explain it but I do know I have to change it.


Saturday, May 5, 2012

Day 22 (428-6) Change In Plans For Weigh In Day

I've changed my weigh in day to Saturdays. This morning I'm still at 428. That's ok. In 22 days I've lost weight and I'm eating healthy. Life is good. I've resisted s few temptations this past week with good thoughts and carrot sticks. I've never been more motivated to lose weight in my life. ETL

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Day 20 (428-6) Keeping My Cool, Friday Morning Weigh In's

It's been 20 days since I started.  I gained back a pound yesterday.  I know 6 pounds in 20 days is healthy.   But honestly, weighing myself everyday and dealing with the micro up and downs is driving me nuts.   Perhaps its because I'm the type of person who likes to see fast results (like most Americans).  I know it's a long road and slow process.  But I feel like I'm checking the oil after every 10 miles of driving.

Regardless, I'm going to start weighing in weekly on Friday mornings.   Its the end of the working week and something to look forward to, etc.   I may step on the scale a few days during the week to check on progress but I'm going to officially report my weight once per week.  Once I drop 30 or 40 pounds I may change back to daily.  But for now.. it's going to be weekly.

I'm adjusting to 2100 calories per day just fine.   In the back of my mind I'm still thinking that 1800 is the right number for me based on previous attempts.   However, if I decide to reduce my intake it won't be drastic.

I'm at the point were I'm working hard at changing and I feel like my body owes me some better results.   I'm not throwing my hands up in the air. I feel good about the changes I've made.  I just want to see the scale move south.  Can you blame me?

So tomorrow will be my first weekly weigh in.

Have a nice day :)


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Day 19 (427-7) Bought A New Scale

Same weight this morning.

I have a nice "doctors" upright scale but I was tired of using the extra counterweights so I bought a digital scale.  Below is a picture... click this to see it on Amazon:

It's certified up to 440 lbs.  I tried it out this morning and it works just fine...same weight registered as the doctor's scale.  Now I can just step, weigh and go.  Once I get under 350 I'll go back to using the other scale... no extra counterweights.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Day 18 (427-7) Another Great Day

The scale was kind again to me this morning shedding 2 pounds from two days ago... 427, total weight loss 7 pounds.  I've changed the standard post title to reflect the ongoing tally of weight loss... the -7 being the total pounds lost since I began.

For the past few days I've been ingesting 2100 calories per day.  It's plenty of food.  If I space my calories out over three meals I don't seem to get the urge to eat in between them.  If I do feel hungry I have some carrots or I keep enough calories for a protein bar or whey shake in reserve.  This seems to do the trick.

I feel good about being in the groove for 18 days now.  It's becoming a habit and the urges to binge on high carb/high fat foods are diminishing, albeit slowly.  I still find myself thinking of eating when I'm feeling good or bad mentally about something important.   I keep thinking to myself "good choices and self honesty".   I don't just say these words.  I really think about what they mean and how important they are.  Not only as it applies to food, but how this simple phrase applies to nearly everything we encounter in life.  It's funny that I recall saying to my kids "make good choices and be true to yourself".  It's exactly the same philosophy I'm working hard to live by.  I guess we all are trying to do these two things throughout our lives.

Anyway... I'm going to stick with 2100 for a bit and see how it goes.  Working in more movement of my body is going to help.   For the past few days I've walked about 10 minutes each day.  I try to park the car about 5 minute walk away from where I'm going.   It's a start and it will get better as I have less mass on my frame.

That's all for today.