Day 23 (428-6) Old Habits Hard To Break

I'm sure I've written about this before... The impulse to eat without control when my emotions change (up or down).   For example yesterday my Son's high school baseball team won a big game which they have been gearing up for all season.   It was a tense game from start to finish with a lot on the line.  A real pitcher's duel where every pitch was important and the entire team contributed to the win.  The crowd (including me) was hanging on every pitch.  It was two hours of emotional ups, downs, nervousness, excitement, worry and then finally joy! 

After it was over.. I'm in my car for a 5 minute drive home (it was a home game) and one of the first "urges" I get is to stop at the store and get something to eat.  This sounds ridiculous to most people especially since the store is 10 minutes out of the way but this is not uncommon for me and many people with eating disorders.

I caught myself and started doing some heavy self-examination.  Why is it that when I go through an emotional experience I want to eat? Why isn't it comforting enough to just go home and celebrate this great accomplishment with my family?  Why do I always have to bring food into the picture?   I thought about this last night and this morning and I can't come up with plausible answers to these questions because there are no logical reasons.  These questions can't be addressed with a rational, justifiable explanation.  

Why does my mind work like this?  Perhaps decades of programming which positioned food and uncontrolled eating as my pacifier, security blanket, teddy bear or whatever object used to give comfort. Simple explanation:  When a baby cries we give him/her their pacifier to put in their mouth...  For me it's high fat, high carb, sweet, floury, unhealthy food.

My kids had pacifier's when they were young.   How did my wife and I break them of the habit?  We explained to them (when they were the appropriate age) that they were getting to be big kids now and the pacifier was something for younger kids.  It took some time and coaxing but eventually they broke the habit.

I have to realize that its time that I let go of my pacifiers and face emotional changes without food and uncontrolled eating.  It's a total change of mindset.  It takes strength and determination to change it.  I don't know how else to explain it but I do know I have to change it.

ETL

Day 22 (428-6) Change In Plans For Weigh In Day

I've changed my weigh in day to Saturdays. This morning I'm still at 428. That's ok. In 22 days I've lost weight and I'm eating healthy. Life is good. I've resisted s few temptations this past week with good thoughts and carrot sticks. I've never been more motivated to lose weight in my life. ETL

Day 20 (428-6) Keeping My Cool, Friday Morning Weigh In's

It's been 20 days since I started.  I gained back a pound yesterday.  I know 6 pounds in 20 days is healthy.   But honestly, weighing myself everyday and dealing with the micro up and downs is driving me nuts.   Perhaps its because I'm the type of person who likes to see fast results (like most Americans).  I know it's a long road and slow process.  But I feel like I'm checking the oil after every 10 miles of driving.

Regardless, I'm going to start weighing in weekly on Friday mornings.   Its the end of the working week and something to look forward to, etc.   I may step on the scale a few days during the week to check on progress but I'm going to officially report my weight once per week.  Once I drop 30 or 40 pounds I may change back to daily.  But for now.. it's going to be weekly.

I'm adjusting to 2100 calories per day just fine.   In the back of my mind I'm still thinking that 1800 is the right number for me based on previous attempts.   However, if I decide to reduce my intake it won't be drastic.

I'm at the point were I'm working hard at changing and I feel like my body owes me some better results.   I'm not throwing my hands up in the air. I feel good about the changes I've made.  I just want to see the scale move south.  Can you blame me?

So tomorrow will be my first weekly weigh in.

Have a nice day :)

ETL

Day 19 (427-7) Bought A New Scale

Same weight this morning.

I have a nice "doctors" upright scale but I was tired of using the extra counterweights so I bought a digital scale.  Below is a picture... click this to see it on Amazon:



















It's certified up to 440 lbs.  I tried it out this morning and it works just fine...same weight registered as the doctor's scale.  Now I can just step, weigh and go.  Once I get under 350 I'll go back to using the other scale... no extra counterweights.

ETL

Day 18 (427-7) Another Great Day

The scale was kind again to me this morning shedding 2 pounds from two days ago... 427, total weight loss 7 pounds.  I've changed the standard post title to reflect the ongoing tally of weight loss... the -7 being the total pounds lost since I began.

For the past few days I've been ingesting 2100 calories per day.  It's plenty of food.  If I space my calories out over three meals I don't seem to get the urge to eat in between them.  If I do feel hungry I have some carrots or I keep enough calories for a protein bar or whey shake in reserve.  This seems to do the trick.

I feel good about being in the groove for 18 days now.  It's becoming a habit and the urges to binge on high carb/high fat foods are diminishing, albeit slowly.  I still find myself thinking of eating when I'm feeling good or bad mentally about something important.   I keep thinking to myself "good choices and self honesty".   I don't just say these words.  I really think about what they mean and how important they are.  Not only as it applies to food, but how this simple phrase applies to nearly everything we encounter in life.  It's funny that I recall saying to my kids "make good choices and be true to yourself".  It's exactly the same philosophy I'm working hard to live by.  I guess we all are trying to do these two things throughout our lives.

Anyway... I'm going to stick with 2100 for a bit and see how it goes.  Working in more movement of my body is going to help.   For the past few days I've walked about 10 minutes each day.  I try to park the car about 5 minute walk away from where I'm going.   It's a start and it will get better as I have less mass on my frame.

That's all for today.

ETL

Day 16 (429) Change Of Plans

Well things don't always turn out as planned. Because of the way my day went yesterday I wasn't able to do the Re-feed. In fact I ended up eating less calories than normal.. 1800. I felt fine.. had plenty of food. However, the scale wasn't too kind to me this morning. I'm +1 pound from yesterday. More than likely its water retention. I ate some beef jerky yesterday which does have lots of sodium. I plan to flush out today with plenty of water and eat 2100 calories, my new number.

Taking it a day at a time.

ETL

Inspiration From Sean Anderson

Sean Anderson speaking about his experience. Self-honesty.. that's the key...

Day 15 (428) I think I'm Stuck

6 pounds in 15 days... I'm pretty happy with that.   However, this is my 6th day being around the 428 mark and I'm beginning to think that I need to reduce my normal daily caloric intake.  I'm going to do a 2900 calorie Refeed today but tomorrow I'm considering lowering my normal daily calories from 2300 to 2100 keeping it at 40% P, 30% C and 30% F.  It's not a drastic drop and I know I can be satisfied at that level.

Regarding hitting the scale every morning... I know it's the best habit to get into but psychologically it's really difficult when you have so far to go.  Day after day of seeing little or no change can be daunting at times.   I know that once per week is not enough but I'm thinking that maybe Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays might be a good schedule for weighing myself.  I'm going to mull that one over a bit before I change it.

The one thing I haven't worked into my life is exercise.   I plan to buy an exercise bike but I haven't yet.   Starting today I'm going to take a 10 minute walk each day around the yard, around the neighborhood or wherever I might be that day.  Any place where I can fit in a walk.   I have to start someplace and I need to start sooner rather than later.

ETL