How Do I Get Back On Track?

I don't know where to start. I'm back to feeling out of control. I was doing so well for the first 4 months.. then something happened. Maybe I was distracted by baseball season which I love so much. Maybe by my family whom I love so much. I don't know what caused me to fall of the train but I want to get back on it fast. I have to be honest... I am sneaking a snacks here and there. Things I shouldn't eat. My wife is going to read this and be disappointed in me. Sorry Hun.

I can't even be trusted to go to the food store by myself because I am tempted to buy food to eat on the way home. I went this weekend to pick up stuff to make Fajitas and saw Golden Oreo Double Stuff cookies on a sale rack. I bought them. Got them in the car. Debated whether I should eat them or throw them away. I ended up opening them. I ate one cookie, then another and as I went to grab the third I stopped myself. I felt disgusting. I stopped the car near a garbage can and threw them out. I felt good to do that but soon after I had the urge to stop for something else. It never ends.

Good news though.. The last two nights I haven't had any food after dinner.. no late night eating.

This post is my first step at having a heart to heart with myself about my size and situation. I need to become smaller and healthier. Just because I stopped eating fast food doesn't mean I've really accomplished much. I need to lose 200 pounds and I need to do it as soon as possible.

Simple Goals:

1. Be honest with myself
2. Think more often about why I want to lose weight
3. Get back to tracking calories
4. Start walking every day.

ETL

2 Years To Go And Another Goal

When I started this journey and this blog I thought long and hard about goals that would keep me motivated. Things I wanted to accomplish as part of my weight loss. The majority of these goals are centered around health, fitness and a good lifestyle which makes sense. None of them are really self-serving goals though.. you know.. the kind of things that make you feel really really good. OK I know eating right and being fit will make me feel good but you know what I mean... real ego boosting type goals.

Well here's one... I want to be interviewed by Sean Anderson! For those of you who may not know, Sean is the author of the blog The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. From time to time Sean interviews people who have reached their goal weight. When I reach my goal weight of 220 lbs I want to spill my guts to Sean on the phone and tell the world how I did it. How I relished in the highs and struggled through the lows of a 212 lbs weight loss trip, long and strange as it may end up being. I can visualize myself right now, on the phone with Sean, answering similar questions that he asked of Anti-Jared and Jack Sh*T. Tears in my eyes as I explain what joy my lifestyle change brought to me and my family. Reciting interesting anecdotes about how I narrowly averted fast food temptations and kicked myself in the ass when I slacked off on my exercise plan.

This would of course mean emerging from anonymity and presenting my face and name to the public (something I plan to do at some point). Why would I want to do this? Why would I want to proclaim my story to Sean? Why would I want people to know what I REALLY went through? Simple answer... I want to pay it forward. In 2012 when I'm a strapping 220 lbs dude who can run 2 miles and race my kids around the back yard I will want that 430 lb guy or gal who is just starting out to have example of how they can do it. How if they stick to a good plan and abandon a life of freestyle eating they can reach their goals. How it can be really hard at times but it's so worth the struggle. How if you change your approach to food you can change your body.

We are all in this together. No BS. The food companies, the restaurants, the work place are all conspiring to make us fat. Just kidding.. I truly believe managing our food intake and exercise activity is what shapes us physically and we control our own destiny. However, we are in this together. We are a community of people who are all fighting a disease called eating addiction. If I can help bring people together and help people find a healthier life I will feel like I have accomplished something even greater than my own transformation. My family, my friends, my fellow bloggers have all helped me and will continue to be there when I need them. I want to make sure I do the same for others long after I reach my goal weight.

So do I really want Sean to interview me when I reach my goal weight? Well, it would be cool because I'm inspired by his blog and I know others would hear the message. But it's not really a goal. Anti-Jared, Diane and Jack Sh*t have done a fine job of telling their tales to Sean and inspiring others including me.

What's most important is that others will have a chance to learn and benefit from what I will go through these next 2 years. For me, imaging and visualizing helping people down the road helps me stay on my mission to become what I want and need to be.

ETL

Thoughts and Goals - My New Life in 2010

I am a middle aged American man who is extremely obese. I have a wonderful family who I love very much and they love me as well. I have battled with food addiction my entire life growing up in a family that saw food as a comfort rather than a source of energy. I want to break from my food addiction problem and someday have a healthy lifestyle. I have a lot of weight to lose... maybe 200 pounds. I can't really say for sure because sadly I don't have a scale that measures up to my weight but I would venture to say I am at least 400 pounds if not more. However I know how I want my body to be and that's where I want to get to.

My family wants me to be around to see my kids grow up. I want the same.

I have started this blog as a way to express my feelings and thoughts. I hope it will be therapy for me as I venture into this new life. I also hope that anyone who reads this will find it as inspiration.

I have to stop turning to foods for comfort when work is stressful or when I'm worried about something. I have to learn to eat to live.... not live to eat. I'm a smart guy and I should be able to figure this out.

I will begin on January 1st, 2010. My initial plan is to:

1. Exercise at least 15 minutes per day. i will start out by walking on the tread mill three times a day for 5 minutes each time.

2. Reduce the amount of bread and bread like foods from my diet. I have a serious addiction to breads and this I think will help.

3. No more eating after dinner. I have a bad habit of eating after my family has gone to bed. This is not good. After 1/1/2010... once I finish dinner I am done eating for the day.

4. Eat only what my wife prepares. I have been doing this for a while now but have to cut out anything in between meals.

5. If I have to eat out, eat healthy. I have a tendency to use eating out as the excuse to eat unhealthy or fattening foods. This has to stop.

My goal for 2010 is to lose enough weight to where I am feeling like I can move again. Where the simple movements are natural again. In 12 months I would like to lose 75 pounds. I think that if I follow these steps I have a good chance of obtaining my goals.

Why do I want to lose weight?

So I can extend my life and live to see my kids grow up and have a great life with my wife.

So I can easily walk to wherever I have to go.

So I am not embarassed when my clothes don't fit

So I can travel on an airplane without having to use a seat belt extender. I have my own but it's still embarassing to have to squeeze into those tiny seats and hold my breath while I buckle up.

So am not always thinking that my kids are embarrased of me.

So I can fit into any car and use the seatbelt.

So I can go to a pro sports game and fit into the seat.

So I can wear nice, stylish clothes.

So I can love myself again. Don't get me wrong.. I like myself... but I don't love myself. I want to be comfortable in my body again.

That's it for now... Holiday dinners coming up. Will post on that separetly.

ETL2010