A Closet Eater's Test

Remember last week's post about Closet Eating (Ah Ha Moment #1: Closet Eating Is Really Bad)? I was really pleased to see so many comments from people who identified with me on the subject of eating in private. The post included a confession about stopping at a White Castle (months ago) on the way home from a business appointment which was a big step for me to admit.

Well yesterday I had a business appointment which required me to drive past many temptations to and from my meeting including the infamous White Castle. This time was different though. This time I planned for the potential of being temped by the logo that Madison Avenue had so successfully etched in my brain. I brought with me a tangerine, a bottle of water and a commitment that I would not stop for a snack. But I knew this wouldn't be enough. I took extra precaution to line up a few conference calls so that when I passed the WC logo sign I would be preoccupied with business distractions.

The ride to the appointment was fine. I had just eaten lunch and was mentally preparing for my meeting. I made it there without out a problem but thought about how the ride home might be the problem.

After the meeting I jumped in car and immediately peeled the tangerine thinking that I could eat the sections slowly as I passed a few other obstacles... McDonald's, Burger King, Dunkin Donuts to name a few. This strategy worked well. Then I got on my conf calls which basically lasted the entire ride home.

So I'm pleased to report I jumped a major hurdle and passed the test. I did not Closet Eat today. It's amazing how the mind works though. Do you know that while I was driving 70 mph on that highway, on a conf call discussing business, my eye somehow caught that small White Castle logo at the precise moment I passed that sign? I didn't have time to react because I was preoccupied by the business call. I have to wonder though how I can drive while all this stuff is going through my head.

Anyway... it's a solid victory for a recovering Closet Eater. One last thing... The comments that you guys have left for me on this blog helped me avoid this trap as well. I thought about you while I was driving. I really appreciate all the support. I look forward to the day when I can just drive and not even think about about all this stuff. Hopefully that day will come soon.

ETL

Tough Challenge This Evening... Real Tough

I was driving home from dropping my son off at a party at around 6pm and had a very strong urge to stop and get a snack. I was hungry because hadn't had anything since lunch at 12:30pm.

A few options crossed my mind like stopping at a diner to get a couple of big chocolate chip cookies, stopping by the convenience store to get some M&Ms or a couple of hot dogs. Closet eating.. Ugh.

I thought if I called my wife to ask her about dinner it would be a good distraction. It was, we were having fajitas for dinner which I make and is one of my favorites. I was sure to take a route home that didn't pass any stores or shops I could stop at. It was a true test and I feel good that I passed it. I also thought about all the people who posted great comments on my "Closet Eating" post and that helped me as well.

Next time I'll take a healthy snack with me in the car just in case.

The fajitas were great... chicken, onions, peppers, small amount of oil, seasoning and one lime. Only had two tortillas. Treated myself to a Michelob Ultra.

Keep total calories for the day to around 1800 today and averted a major Closet Eating side track. Tomorrow is another day.

ETL

Ah Ha Moment #1: Closet Eating Is Really Bad

How did I gain all this weight? The obvious answer is I was a Freestyle eater who ate with reckless abandon. As I peel the onion back a little I come to the realization that "closet eating" was the primary cause of my weight gain.

Closet Eating is not officially classified as an eating disorder. It's the practice of eating excess amounts of food in secret. I guess it could be a subclass of binge eating which is an official disorder but it's really in a class by itself.

If you think about it there are some deep mental processes going on when your closet eating. Usually you're eating something that's very high calorie, that you really enjoy and that you don't want others to know you are eating. It's the ultimate comfort food oasis.

For example... (my wife reads my blog so.. sorry for the suprise you are about to read sweetie!)

Before the holiday's I had a business meeting about 30 miles away. I left the house in the morning after eating a buttered bagel and glass of OJ. It was an 11am meeting and the company I met with had lunch brought in.

For lunch I had a turkey sandwich, lettuce and tomato with a little mayo and a diet coke. Then grabbed a bag of chips and a couple of cookies. Shouldn't have had the snacks but so far not a bad eating day.

The meeting is over at 2pm so I hop in the car for the 30 mile ride home not even thinking about food or dinner. I have a few calls to make while I'm driving (don't worry I use a blue tooth headset) and I'm focusing on that. When I'm through with my calls I start thinking about what I have to do when I get back to my office (I work at home). Just then I spot a "food & fuel" sign on the side of the highway. You know, the sign that tells you which restaurants you can find at a particular exit. I notice the White Castle logo on the sign and the thought process starts.

This is me thinking now... "White Castle.. man, I'm friggin hungry. I didn't eat a lot today and I haven't had WC in a while. If I stop for some it won't be that bad. When I get home I can just say I had a big lunch and not eat too much dinner." I can taste the WC cheese burger as I'm thinking this.

So I take the exit... drive up to the White Castle and order 5 cheeseburgers (because they are small you always order 5 or so), regular fries and a medium HC-Orange drink. Wow... I just noticed that I'm actually salivating as I describe the food, not good. I pay for the food, park and eat all of it, being very careful not to drip any ketchup or grease on my shirt (evidence). As I eat each cheeseburger I say to myself... "ok I have 4 left, ok I have 3 left....". Before I know it the food is gone. I throw the bag and wrappers in the trash can (getting rid of the evidence) and hit the road to drive home.

A few hours later my wife has a pasta dinner prepared. I sit down and have a large helping of pasta with meatballs and sausage. What happened to my plan of saying that I had a big lunch and wasn't hungry? It went out the window when I found out the dinner was pasta.

Now lets examine. My breakfast, lunch and regularly scheduled dinner were all pretty good. I probably could have had a smaller portion of pasta but even so I was probably at or below 2300 calories which would be fine for a day. What I didn't realize was the number of calories I was taking in when I hit the White Castle... 1,535 calories with 74 grams of fat and 82 grams of sugar. Wow.. that's nearly full day of calories for me now.

On top of this I would do my normal late night eating which probably added at least another 1000 calories. The the net of this all is My family only witnessed 2200 of the nearly 5000 calories I ate that day. Classic Closet Eater.

While this was not a typical day, it was days like these that contributed to me packing on the pounds and I had many days like these. The difference now is when I see the White Castle logo or any other fast food logos I will think about the amount of calories, fats and sugars I will be ingesting if I eat those foods.

Closet eating is my weakness and it was the main contributor to my weight gain. As hard as it will be for me I make a pledge to never closet eat again. I can't.

ETL